I have never really got the Tour de France.
Maybe I've been missing something, but as far as I can make out, it's just a pack of lycra-clad blokes ploughing through some (admittedly beautiful) French countryside. It's like the 'Holiday' programme, without the catchy theme tune. (I really hope I'm not the only person who finds himself whistling said tune from time to time).
And Lance Armstrong. Fair enough, he overcame cancer and was nobbing Sheryl Crow for a bit, but does that really constitute a sports 'legend'? He's a cyclist: he's just got strong legs. Riding a bike takes physical fitness, but it's hardly a 'sport'.
Watching cycling is like watching any crap sport (athletics, motor sport, ice skating..) - it's only fun if it goes wrong. The sight of 50 cyclists crashing onto tarmac because some joker wobbled too much is timeless comedy, like Mr Bean, or Ginger babies.
However, despite my general indifference to the Tour de France, I will definitely be watching the opening leg this weekend. Not for the cyclists, not for the spectacle, but for the definite possibility of apocalyptic terrorism.
I mean, bearing in mind that the UK is currently on Severe (AKA 'shit-your-pants-and-hide-under-a-desk') threat levels, and given that the biggest cycling event in the world is taking off from London - I reckon there's a fair chance that what's normally a mind-numbingly dull spectator sport could potentially turn into Die Hard 5.
I'm probably not brave enough to go down and watch it in the flesh (I'm quite attached to my face), but I may well crack open a tinny, and watch from the comfort of my flat. If I only ever watch replays on YouTube and I Love 2007 in 20 years, I'll be gutted.
Maybe I've been missing something, but as far as I can make out, it's just a pack of lycra-clad blokes ploughing through some (admittedly beautiful) French countryside. It's like the 'Holiday' programme, without the catchy theme tune. (I really hope I'm not the only person who finds himself whistling said tune from time to time).
And Lance Armstrong. Fair enough, he overcame cancer and was nobbing Sheryl Crow for a bit, but does that really constitute a sports 'legend'? He's a cyclist: he's just got strong legs. Riding a bike takes physical fitness, but it's hardly a 'sport'.
Watching cycling is like watching any crap sport (athletics, motor sport, ice skating..) - it's only fun if it goes wrong. The sight of 50 cyclists crashing onto tarmac because some joker wobbled too much is timeless comedy, like Mr Bean, or Ginger babies.
However, despite my general indifference to the Tour de France, I will definitely be watching the opening leg this weekend. Not for the cyclists, not for the spectacle, but for the definite possibility of apocalyptic terrorism.
I mean, bearing in mind that the UK is currently on Severe (AKA 'shit-your-pants-and-hide-under-a-desk') threat levels, and given that the biggest cycling event in the world is taking off from London - I reckon there's a fair chance that what's normally a mind-numbingly dull spectator sport could potentially turn into Die Hard 5.
I'm probably not brave enough to go down and watch it in the flesh (I'm quite attached to my face), but I may well crack open a tinny, and watch from the comfort of my flat. If I only ever watch replays on YouTube and I Love 2007 in 20 years, I'll be gutted.
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